Better And Funnier Than You Deserve

April 12, 2007

If there is anything I really fear it is the mind of a young girl.
                                         - Jane Heap

PERSIFLAGE is updated Thursdays.


For Sale: Horthmann's Compedium of Euphemisms. Make your really fairly unsavoury activities sound palatable. $45. Box 310.
One slightly used, partially damaged time machine. Only goes back as far as December of last year. $7 OBO. Box 2006.
For Sale: rare misprinted can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. Soup is spelled "Sooup" . HIlarious. Box 33.
For rent: a tee shirt of mine that I only wear intermittently. There's really no reason somebody else couldn't be wearing it when I'm not and there's also no reason why I shouldn't be making with it. It's black moving slowly but inexorably towards grey (as are my white shirts but that's an issue for another day).Box 334.

Tips for Spring Living:

Tip #3:  Wearing shorts with a jacket is acceptable only if you coach girls' softball.




It has often struck me that when complainy people (and you don't know who you are) think (or more annoyingly - talk) about their lives they concentrate on how they didn't get what they deserved. One would think this would be more or less a good thing. I personally have met very few people who didn't deserve, at a minimum, a really good smack and quite a number deserve much worse than that.

I, certainly, am quite chuffed that I have not been showered with what I deserve. When it comes down to it (and remember I'm a pretty great guy) I really deserve to poked repeatedly in the eye with a stick for my crimes. Sure, sometimes I didn't get the last piece of pie when it was rightfully mine, occasionally (very) I didn't get the girl and often I wasn't paid what I was worth (I thought). But more often than not I got a lot more than I had any right to expect.

Regular visitors to this site will no doubt remember that I once ate all the bearclaws and I certainly didn't deserve those! Just this morning I managed to get on a bus that really should have left the stop already. On Saturday, due to the poor math skills of a restaurant employee (I won't identify the restaurant since the Pancake House will no doubt their money back) I received my breakfast for what appeared to be half price. My life has been full of these little occurences.

I'm not sure if I were to do the math I would end up ahead. Did I get more than I deserve? Did I get less? It could go either way. At any rate I'm pretty sure I don't want anybody working it out!

Hugh Briss

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

Researchers have discovered that 65 percent of communication occurs through nonverbal language. For most of what we tell each other we don't really need our mouths. In other words you could completely ignore 100% of what is said to you and still get a handle on almost 2/3 of what you need to know. So it turns out there really isn't any need to turn down your Ipod!
Apparently merely by observing the way some one grimaces, smiles, flails wildly, strokes, caresses or hits you with a chair leg you can tell what it is they want. Now that's pretty good news for those of us who are totally sick and tired of listening to other people stumble all over the language in a pathetic attempt to make some sort of point. But one wonders if this carries across to the Internet. Can you, for instance, tell what it is we're thinking just by taking note of the background colors and various fonts of this web page? Hmmmm.

Don Weenow would like anyone knowing the whereabouts of his pet spider Sparky to please call and let him know if he's okay. He doesn't have to come home if he doesn't want to but he should know that Don is very, very sorry and he'll never do it again.

A new gallery devoted entirely to conceptual art may be opening in Winnipeg in May. Or it may not.

The National Gallery has put out an open call for any works featuring Marvin the Mouse or any other well-known Canadian sock puppets for it's 2008 show "Famous Canadian Sock Puppets: 1946-1991, the Cold War Years". Works in any media will be given consideration.