it's a big double issue! 

April 21st/28th, 2011

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Mitch Hedberg


For Rent: very large photograph of a gala evening on cardboard. Ideal as a backdrop for your own photographs. Look more important than you are. Box 209.
This weekend or some other weekend we will be showing black and white movies about space travel. If we can get some from somewhere. We are the Half Assed Vintage Sci-Fi Film Society.
This year marks the Sesquicentennial of the beginning of the American Civil War and in honor of that our re-enactment group will be attacking people randomly out on the street. Look out!
For sale: large men's pants. No I mean it. These are LARGE. You may think you've seen large pants before but you haven't seen anything this large. $5 OBO. Box 244.

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore

Listen to
Part One Hundred and Two

Click on the picture. (4:33)

Listen to
Part One Hundred and Three

Click on the picture. (3:41)

Start from the beginning.



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Knowing It All

I have written before in this space (September 25, 2008) about the problems associated with being very much smarter than one's fellows. In that particular instance I was concerned with the social cost of being a genius. But there are other more personal costs to omniscience.

Someone once said that they would not want to know everything as it would take the mystery out of life. That is certainly true. A vast and all encompassing knowledge of the world can be personally overwhelming.

That is why, if you are incredibly brilliant, it is important to also be physically and emotionally strong. In order to handle the vast amount of neurological activity taking place within your brain pan, it is crucial that you take care with your corporeal vessel.

Eat right, get plenty of rest and exercise regularly. This last not only helps maintain the support system for your gigantic intellect but also helps alleviate some of the frustration that inevitably builds up whilst dealing with people who are much much stupider than you.

But taking care of yourself physically is only one part of the equation. You must also tend to the emotional side of things.

A genius who is emotionally unstable is no help to themselves or anyone else. Think of August Strindberg. Is he really a model you wish to emulate? I din't think so.

By taking care of your emotional and psychological health you will be able to better enjoy your awesome mental powers. You will be able to look down on those of lesser mental ability (everyone!) with impunity.

There is no need to let yourself go physically or emotionally. The days of the slack muscled, grubby genius slumping around their room in a housecoat with Kleenex boxes for shoes are over.

Take it from me, you can be a healthy, happy and well-adjusted genius if only you apply yourself!

Hugh Briss

What's Up With the Double Issue?

This week we are presenting a double issue in preparation for our move to a monthly format. This is not so that you can adjust (we are not that thoughtful) but so that we can have time next week to get things in order for the May Issue which will appear on the 5th. Thereafter monthly updates will happen on or about the 1st of each month. We would like to thank you for your patinece. And if you aren't patient well... remember the Persiflage motto: Learn to Live with Disappointment. - HB

Some Very Short Fiction


A lot of people (7) didn't like Sydney and this bothered her. It didn't really keep her up nights, that was all the coffee she drank in the evenings, but still it bothered her. One day her doctor told her to stop drinking coffee. She did but she still couldn't sleep. What do you make of that?

The Rutabagas

No one surmised what the Rutabagas were up to. But that is why they are renowned as the cleverest of all the vegetables. Slowly and surely they were amassing the weapons they thought would give them the edge in their war with the Potatoes. It would have worked too if your mum hadn't made that stew.

Oriental Wisdom

Gus was very proud of his oriental wisdom. No matter which way you pointed him he could tell you which direction it was. Despite this rather amazing talent Gus was always getting lost. This was becuase he just wasn't that bright.

The Blues

Sometimes people get the Blues. But what do the Blues get? Do they get the Peoples? Don't be silly. The Blues sometimes get the Blues. This is not good. It is not something you want to see or be around. It's pretty depressing. But it's even worse for the Blues.

The Tallest? Poppy

Once upon a time there was a poppy who called himself "The Tallest Poppy" despite the fact that he was really only average height for a poppy his age. This could explain why he lost his law suit against a restaurant with the same name. Or it could be because no one in the legal system could speak Poppy. I don't know.


          It is, I guess,
          the middle of the week.
          Sometime around noon
          you know
          it's half done.

          But no one can tell me
          why I should care
          when every week of my life
          is the same.

Frank Speeking