More Beloved than Raymond*

April 26, 2007

Lust isn't so bad, it lasts no time at all and is not destructive.
                                         - Lincoln Kirstein

PERSIFLAGE is updated Thursdays.


Thinking about camping this summer? Why not consider not camping? Citizens For More Crowded Patios (CFMCP)
For sale: old style ice cream maker. Fuelled by naptha. May pose a serious health risk. $45 OBO. Box 290.
In celebration of Mayday, this year on May 1st, Dunny Bradstreet, a Business Major at the U of M, will be roughing up an as yet to be named commie on the corner of Portage and Main. Said roughing up will take place in the morning (but not too early). Contact Dunny for exact times.

Tips for Spring Living:

Tip #4:  You may notice an increase in your libido this time of year. That's normal. Try not to linger in the produce department at Safeway.



Don't Forget to Order All Your Lubricants in Time For Summer!

Bush Promises New "Nicer" War

On Wednesday at a meeting of the Surfside, Florida Chapter of his fan club, the current Governor of Florida, John Ellis "Jeb" Bush, announced that he would now actively seek the nomination of his party (the Republicans) for President in the 2008 election. His platform would be entirely based on his desire for a new "more fun" war in Cuba.
Bush stated that his brother and his father, while serving as President, had both started wars in hot, dry, dusty, unpleasant countries and he thought that now it was time for one "someplace nicer".
Bush pointed out that Cuba was "a hell of a lot closer" and therefore logistically simpler. Military leaves could be taken in Miami or Key West or even Disney World.
And another advantage, according to Bush, would be the language.
"A lot of us already speak Spanish. The signs are much easier to read. They haven't got all them funny squiggles on 'em."
He continued:"We've got some great folks for a Provisional Government lined up already! Orlando [Bosch] and Miguel [Recarey] just to name two! Paul[Bremer]'s job'll be a lot easier this time around!"
The Governor went on to state that people were sick of the two wars the US was currently fighting and he figured a change would "perk things up a might."
There was no comment from the White House.


An Extremely Short Selection of Short, Short Stories

Or a Micro-melange of Micro-fiction

Once upon a time there was a guy who never did anything interesting. Although he did wear his hair in a mullet one year.

Peter was a peanut. He was eaten by a small boy with allergies. He was charged with murder.

The girl looked out the window. He wasn't coming back. She knew he wasn't coming back. And he still had her library books.

Results of the Poetry Contest

It is our exciting duty to inform you that the winner of the Poetry Contest is Dwight Hoggler of Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. Mr. Hoggler submitted the following poem, entitled, Kerplunk which was judged to be quite a bit better than the rest of the poems.

    I am a man
    who knows,
    from bitter
    the meaning
    of the word.

    in my
    boyhood and
    played it.
    a lot really.

Yes, we know, but you should have read the other entries. Mr. Hoggler wins a lovely PERSIFLAGE-themed totebag.

The Return of
Lorgan Torbold,
the Reluctant Space Pirate

A Serialised Audio Book

This week we begin to feature the Read (pronounced red) Out Loud Version of Lorgan Torbold, the Reluctant Space Pirate.
Regular visitors to this site will no doubt remember the regular series which ran for a bit last year. With that version one was forced to keep one's eyes open and focused on the computer screen for minutes at a time. That was clearly a lot of work. With the new "audio" version all that is required of you is listening. The entire story will unfold before you effortlessly.
We decided to start over from the beginning as that is the very best place to start. At a later date the entire story will be available on the site as downloadable text for those who wish to have something to mop up spills or who harbour some latent hostility towards trees.

Click Here for the first episode

*Queneau that is