the eighth deadly sin 

August 13th, 2009

A hug is like a boomerang. You get it back right away.

Bil Keane

A hug is actually faster than a boomerang as there is no travel time involved. But it's still unwise to hug a kangaroo.

Elrose Watermuldar


For sale: one pair of socks formerly owned by renowned TV journalist, Charles Kuralt. Monogrammed. $100. Box 4.
For sale: Heart monitor: tells you where the Wilson sisters are at all times. 500$ OBO. Box 1980.
For sale: Aston Martin DB5. Springs gone in the ejector seat. Tends to dump people only onto the floor of the car. Make me an offer! Box 11.
Business opportunity: hair fitness salon. Great chance to get in on the ground floor of the exciting world of hair fitness. Initial investment: enthusiasm! and 17000 dollars. Box 3.
I will be travelling to the south of France in September. I don't want anything. I'm just bragging. Box 45.

Listen to Part Eighteen of

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore

Click on the picture. (4:03)

Or start from the beginning.



A Story in Two (2) Parts

She Didn't Miss The Number 22 After All


How Dave Durnbaski yelled and prevented the Number 22 from pulling away from the Whytewold Road stop and leaving Sandy Furnbelder behind to take the Number 21 Bus (which was right behind the Number 22 and would arrive at Garry and Portage, Sandy's stop, a full six minutes behind the number 22)

It was a Wednesday morning and Dave Durbanski, a guy with wavy hair, was on his way to work at the box factory in Elmwood when he noticed a smallish woman with reddish hair with darker, sort of red lowlights and kind of a blondish streak on the near side of her head as she sprinted, not quite pell mell, past him as he stared aimlessly out the window from the door side "dude seat" in the very back of the bus.

"I thought to myself 'She's not gonna make it'" said Durbanski, a reasonably tall man with biggish hands. Durbanski not thinking of himself or of the fact that others on the bus (it was more than half full) might be alarmed or think him a bit much, shouted out "Hey! There's somebody..." As Durbaski's voice trailed off the bus didn't start moving and the driver kept the doors open. Sandy made it.

Sandy Furnbelder Was On Time

on time

How Sandy Furnbelder arrived on time at work and was able to have three of the free doughnuts that Fadrrell Toothmason had brought in to celebrate his fixing the photocopier and how those three doughnuts pushed cholesterol reading up the next day when she had a blood test at her doctor's thereby forcing her onto a strict diet for the next three months.

Wednesday morning Sandy Furnbelder arrived at work to find a large box of doughnuts on the table next to the photocopier which, oddly, seemed to be working again.

"Are these up for grabs?" she asked no one in particular. No one answered so she ate three of them. One was a double chocolate. Mmmmm.

The next day, Thursday, Sandy sat in a paper gown on the edge of the table as her doctor jabbed her in the arm. She didn't know it then but the red fluid flowing into the little tube had an inordinate amount of cholesterol in it.

From The Files of

Egmont le Manchot

portrait by Ian August

portrait by Ian August

The Case of the Missing Mackerel

The Charleroi Police were stymied and when they were stymied they always turned to their best detective, the penguin Egmont le Manchot. The Chief Commissioner called the fez wearing figurer into her office and told him the details of the case.

A mackerel had gone missing from the great vault at Mackerel World (Le Monde de Macquereau). And not just any mackerel. It was the famed Roi des Maquereaux (King of the Mackerels), the greatest macquerel ever seen.

The fish was to be presented in only two days time to the King of the Belgians at the Festival des Maquereaux, Belgium's largest and most prestigious mackerel festival.

Mme. Biot explained that the reputation of the Charleroi Police Force was at stake. It was imperative that Egmont work quickly.

The penguin sat in the backseat of his Opel Corsa curled up under his afghan drinking tea. It was here that he believed he did his best thinking. These things could not be rushed. One must consider the problem carefully. Egmont sipped his tea. Hmmmm.

Suddenly it occured to him. He climbed over into the front seat and in behind the wheel and tore out of the parking lot at great speed.

He headed south on the E420 right into Bultia. Very near the the statute of the soldier was a little wine shop. Egmont pulled up in front. He waddled out of his car and into the shop. There seated at a table near the door was the King of the Mackerels enjoying a glass of red.

Egmont escorted him back to the festival but not before enjoying a small glass of his favorite merlot.

Question: How did Egmont know where to find the fish?

The answer may be in next week's PERSIFLAGE.