More Exciting Than Ever!*

August 14th, 2008

Please do not staple or damage this form.


PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


For Sale: the third book of Aristotle's Poetics. Signed by the author. $2 OBO. Box 11.
Will Trade: any photographs of actual space aliens visiting Earth for a bad photocopy of my Grade Five report card. Box 11b.
For Rent: the last four inches of the top drawer of my filing cabinet. $11/month. Box 290.



If you can spot Waldo on this webpage just email us and tell us where and you could win a prize

Socks: Good for Your Feet AND Your Shoes

You Can Reduce Stink and Wear

Although many people in this society wear shoes very few have yet to cotton on to the idea of socks. For some reason folks in this neck of the woods have traditionally worn their shoes right over their bare feet and this has resulted in a number of problems.
First off, there is the problem of odor. Because shoes are usually made of some heavier material such as bakelite or wood they do not lend themselves to repeated washing so your stinky feet end up leaving their atrocious smell on these things for months. If you were to place socks between your feet and your shoes, these could easily be discarded after each use or, conversely, washed, thereby leaving your heavy outer footwear stench free.
Twothly, there is the question of wear (not where). Socks protect your shoes from the evil machinations of your feet which are very tiring to your clogs. If your booties etc. are protected from your feet they will no doubt last longer and, no doubt, save you money in the long run.
And isn't that a good thing?

Cup Stacking In 2012?

The Newest Demonstration Sport

If you're like me you're probably all caught up in the Olympics (which have been on TV recently). There are now over 700 official Olympic sports with new ones being added every year. The latest sport being considered for inclusion is cup stacking.
If you're still like me (see above) you probably have only recently learned of this exciting new sport. If you haven't (and even if you have), Cup stacking is the competitive stacking of China cups and saucers (really it should be called "Cup AND SAUCER stacking").
This sport requires a real deftness and dexterity as the cups crack and break quite easily. Competitors must be quick AND careful. Sadly, in this country, we have very few people who possess both of those qualities so our chances of medalling in 2012 are small.
If you think you have what it takes to be an Olympic calibre (308) cup stacker I would suggest that you start training now because even though your chances of making the Canadian team are good you won't make the podium without a lot of practice!

Potatoes: Not Just For Block Printing Anymore

Why Not Try Eating Them?

It was recently revealed by some people I don't really know that potatoes are not just good for block printing but can, in point of fact, be eaten. Yes, that's right - eaten.
It turns out that you can cook these things and the result is quite tasty. Not only that but there are several accepted ways of cooking them.
Potatoes can be "mashed", boiled, fried (comme les Francais), scalloped (like the fish) or eaten whole with the skin on just like an apple (my favorite). Well, this is good news.

Increasing your TV Time

Smart Scheduling is the Key

In this era of cellphones, text messaging, IPods, Bluetooth thingies, Blackberries and all that streaming video on the Internet, some very important things have inevitably ended up getting neglected in our headlong rush to punch little numbers and letters onto tiny screens.
Recent studies have shown that one of the casualties of this new portable electronic age is the watching of television programmes. Sadly people are watching less TV.
There is no point in getting caught up in the blame game. The thing to do is to find a way to personally increase your quality time with the television. There are a few quick and easy ways to do this.

1) Try waking up a couple of hours earlier each day. If you were to wake at 5AM instead of 8AM you could cram 3 hours of Canada AM in before you head off to work.

2) A portable TV can be taken into most workplaces hidden in your pants. In fact you don't have to take it out of your pants to enjoy it. Just run an extension cord down your leg and you are set to watch TV at your desk or out on the loading dock. Leave your fly open so you can see the screen.

3) If these two things seem too difficult what about watching TV for shorter periods more frequently. 2 or 3 minutes of TV glimpsing scattered here and there throughout the week will quickly add up.

So that's it. There's really no excuse. Just get out there and get watching!

Dancing Chickens

And Such Like

Apparently there is, or was (my information may not be up to date) somewhere in the world (Hot Springs, Arkansas), a chicken that dances while a rabbit plays the piano and a duck plays the guitar.
I'm tempted to stop writing right there. A statement like that calls for either a whole lot of comment or none at all. I'm inclined towards the latter but I will go on.
When I first read of this I was a little confused but then I began to consider the wording of that sentence. One could take it to mean that the chicken will dance only if a rabbit plays the piano and a duck the guitar. And it is easy, really, to picture a chicken with these kinds of pre-conditions but this can't be the sort of thing that arises naturally. It would have to be arranged.
I don't know about you but I have not, in my travels, stumbled across that many musically inclined ducks or rabbits. And I have certainly never came across a duck and a rabbit who could successfully carry a tune together. It is an unusual combination.
Why does the chicken feel this way? Maybe she is unmoved by the standard fare on AM radio. She might also steer clear of dance clubs and raves, finding their incessant throbbing not to her taste. Perhaps even Frankie Yankovic leaves her cold but somehow when that old duck/rabbit rhythm section rolls into action she just can't stop her toes from a-tappin' (do chickens have toes?). Before she knows it she is transformed into a fowl version of Evelyn Hart.
And why not?

*Claim cannot be independently verified.