a miscellany of the miscellaneous 

August 27th, 2009


Ever wonder what was under your fridge? For a small fee I will come and take a look. Using the latest technology (I have a mirror on the end of quite a long stick) I will investigate. Waldo the Neath Peeker Box 15.
Slides of a monkey sliding down a slide. Many available. $1 ea. Box 45.

Listen to Part Twenty of

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore

Click on the picture. (3:51)

Or start from the beginning.



Little Known Myths

The Very First French Fried Potato
Many many many years ago the God of Fried Things (Dave), in a battle with several other minor deities (including Bazak, the God of Little Known Myths) hid himself in a potato field. While he was crouching there he thought to himself "Hey, I should fry one of these things." So he did. And as he was in a field near the site of present day Avignon well, you see where this is going?

How The Leopard Got His Name
In the very early days of the world some of the animals had no names. One of these was the animal we now call the Leopard but then he was known as          . One day he was out in the woods doing leopardy things or, more accurately,          y things when he chanced upon a tree that had been carved by the renowned tree carver Leonard. The           was not wearing his glasses and he thought the tree was naming him Leopard.

Why the Sky is Blue
When the world was first created the sky was a kind of mauvey pink but none of the beings that inhabited the world then, Hurlocks and Germbeens and Josseloxes and so forth, liked the colour. They thought it clashed with their sweaters (a lot of which were fuschia). So one day they got together and fashioned a great big ladder out of onion skins and that stuff that covers cobs of corn and they climbed up and painted it blue.

The King of the Squirrels
The earth used to be divided into a bunch of different kingdoms and the greatest of these was the Kingdom of the Squirrels which covered most of what is now North America and a bit of Antarctica (which used to be much much closer). The King of the Squirrels ruled over his domain with an iron paw. Not so much anymore though.

Better Sorry Than Safe:

Diary of a Reckless Man

Monday, August 3rd Ate an entire pot roast and went for a swim. Meet a very nice lifeguard.

Tuesday, August 4th Exciting game of lawn darts. Caught two. Difficult to finish my M & Ms afterwards.

Wednesday, August 5th Long phone conversation with Joanne. Told her I thought her husband was probably gay. The biker thing seems like over-compensating to me.

Thursday, August 6th Lost my second set of house keys. Put up a notice with my address and the hours I'm usually home all around the neighbourhood. Hope that helps.

Friday, August 7th Started smoking. I think it makes me look cool and sophisticated. Thinking about dabbling in heroin. I hear good things.

Saturday, August 8th Bought a bunch of condoms from some guy on the street. He was in a very good mood. Couldn't stop laughing.

Sunday, August 9th Busy day planned. Decided to write down all the mistakes I have made in my life. Bought a 40 of Bourbon to drink while I write. Also plan to catalogue my collection of antique straight razors.

a very bad idea