December 6, 2007
The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.
William Morris
When the sun shineth, make hay
John Heywood
PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.
Classifieds
Can't find the right gift for that special someone? Maybe they're not all that special. Consider shopping at Harry's House of the Mundane on Pembina highway. We have socks, bags of peanuts, 3 ring binders and chalk. Many lame uninteresting gifts.
For Sale: 2 tickets to Paradise. Good tonight only. Contact: Eddie Money.
December 7th (a day that will live in infamy) is aceartinc's Winter Warmer fundraiser. Just show up at 290 McDermot any time after 7pm and you will be delighted by art music dancing drinks and Christmas sweaters.
December the 15th marks the return of Platform Gallery's 8X10 fundraiser. Silent Auction, the reading aloud of names and a lot of photographic art. Buy a ticket and be guaranteed a photograph (8X10 in size - duh!) or just come and hang out. Hosted this year by Dominique Rey and some yahoo.
For rent: dangerous splintered tobaggan. Almost guaranteed to leave you with slivers in your a**. $4/day. Ideal for outdoorsy masochists. Box 13.
For sale: pre-packaged assorted holiday meats. Not sure what kinds. Slightly blue. Expiry dates are really only a suggestion. $1/kilo. Box 33.
Why not sign up for our email bulletins? persiflagemag@hotmail.com
Looking For Answers?
1) b
2) Caspar, Wyoming
3) f(x) = (integral)(0-inf) ( a(y) cos yx + b(y) sin yx ) dy or thereabouts
4)
This is a hilarious picture of Karl Marx. Taking up space really. Filler. That's what it's called.
5)The agrarian South was unable to match either the overwhelming manufacturing might or the seemingly limitless manpower resources of the industrialized North.
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How To Preserve Your Bus Pass
Let's face it, nobody likes a wrinkled soggy bus pass. It makes you look like a schmo and who wants that? A person with a well-preserved shiny dry bus pass is almost universally respected (and worshipped as a god in parts of the South Pacific) and the object not only of admiration but also desire. In order to help you become a better person PERSIFLAGE here provides a step by step guide for preserving and maintaining your pass.
STEP ONE: The first thing to do is to organise your materials. You will need some good quality packing tape and some scissors. Actually anything that will cut tape will work but eventually you need to get a clean edge so hedge trimmers or your teeth are not recommended unless you are highly skilled in their use.
STEP TWO: Lay your bus pass on a clean, flat surface. Pick it up again and spread out some tape. Now place the pass down again this time on the tape. Make sure that the tape isn't all wrinkly. Good? Okay now pull the tape around so that BOTH sides of the pass are covered. Chances are you will have to make two passes (not bus)in order to cover the pass (bus) completely unless you live somewhere where the passes (once again bus) are really narrow or the tape is exceptionally wide.
STEP THREE: Time to use the scissors (or alternate cutting implement). Remember when cutting anything (other than the cheese) make sure to keep your fingers (or other appendages) away from the sharp cutting surfaces. It is best to have a spotter when cutting. this person sits close by with a phone in hand and the emergency number typed out on a small recipe card in front of them. Cut the tape.
STEP FOUR: This is a complicated step. Wrap the tape around your bus pass from the other side. That is to say running the other way. I mean the tape runs the other way. As you are using scissors (or alternate cutting tool) you should not be running at all. is this clear? Look at the picture if you are confused. It is very calming.
STEP FIVE: You are almost done! All that is necessary now is to neaten up the edges. Make sure that you don't have little pointy bits of tape sticking out. These can poke you in the hand and cause you to cry out in pain and drop your pass (bus). Of course now even if you drop your pass (bus) in a big pile of goo it will be okay because it is protected!
THE FINISHED PRODUCT: Here it is, your pride and joy, a perfectly encased BUS PASS! Now you are welcome anywhere in any kind of weather. You can brave blizzards with impunity and laugh in the face of danger. Even if you are gunned down in the street your pass (bus) will be okay. Blood wipes right off! Congratulations Mr/Ms Go-Getter!
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