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February 18th, 2010


For sale: measuring tape. Missing 4, 7 and 29 inches. $4 OBO. Box 11.
For rent: framed photographs of attractive people smiling. Culled from a series of wallet purchases. Add some class to your home for an evening. Box 298.
Don't forget February 20th Platform's Fundraiser/ Art Auction /Dance Party "Hope I Die Before I Get Old" featuring DJ Rob Vilar and some sort of performance by Garth Hardy and Glen Johnson. 8PM Ragpicker's Theatre Annex (2nd Floor, 216 McDermot Ave.). Tix $10 advance $15 door.
Will trade the odd smell in my room (it's a little eggy) for a villa in the South of France or a small house on one of the Cyclades. Box 22.

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore

Listen to Part Forty-Four

Click on the picture. (3:28)

Or start from the beginning.



This would be our email address:

My Undeserved Reputation as a Misanthrope

I want to be distinguished from the rest; to tell the truth, a friend to all mankind is not a friend for me. - Molière

For most of my adult life I have been tarred with the epithet "misanthrope" and frankly, nothing could be further from the truth.

I love my fellow man and hold him (or her) in the highest regard. Theoretically. I believe homo sapiens to be one of the more outstanding species stumbling about the globe.

We have it all over the penguins, for instance, despite their constant readiness for formal social functions. In fact, this, in somewise admirable, characteristic of our penguin pals perfectly illustrates what I think is one of the most appealing qualities of human beings. Their adaptability.

A penguin can only function within the confines of the Antarctic (or a simulated version in a zoo) or in a very formal dinner/dance setting. This is due to their physiological makeup and their attire. Think back to all the times you have seen a penguin at a backyard barbeque. Never, right? They simply cannot do it.

If, however, you are a watcher of nature programming on the television, you have seen members of the aforementioned homo sapiens at both the poles and in your own life you have seen them magnificiently arrayed in Hawaiian shirts toasting their weenies* at some backyard barbeque or similar function.

As a species we are remarkably resilient and adaptable. unlike the penguin, the gannet, the three-toed sloth or the tortoise. We can go virtually anywhere and do virtually anything. Of course, I don't necessarily mean do it well.

I suppose this brings to mind the expression "Jack of all trades, Master of none". This is, I guess, applicable to our entire species. We don't do any of the things that we do anywhere near as well as the more specialised creatures do theirs.

We don't fly nearly as well as the birds, for instance (no fair mentioning the emu or the ostrich as those are both made up animals and not at all real). For our fine feathered friends it is a relatively simple matter, requiring only one small jump and an act of will.

For us, on the other hand, there is a whole lot of packing, online booking, line-standing, sitting around in terminals, handling of pre-packaged meals and reading of dull magazines before we are even able to get airborne.

And we don't swim nearly as well as any of the fish. Even the lousy ones like scrod and groupers. We can't run anything like a cheetah or hunt as efficiently as even a fairly inept pride of lions. We can't traverse the desert like a camel or blend as seamlessly into the tundra as even the fattest, dirtiest polar bear. In fact we do a pretty lousy job of pretty much everything we do.

The problem is that human beings don't apply themselves. We dabble. Did you ever watch a squirrel eat a peach pit? Now that's focus. A squirrel will really devote him or herself wholeheartedly to getting at that edible bit. And boy just look at 'em go! Nobody I know would spend anywhere near that kind of time or energy on it.

Most people I know would nibble on it a little bit then lose interest and cast it aside saying "Ah, screw it!" and saunter off to do something else that was easier like update their Facebook page or text someone OUtried2812 or some such nonsense (which isn't even grammatically correct!).

What's that all about? What would happen if that kind of slack ass work ethic were applied to something important like nut storage? Anarchy, that's what!

Human beings blow. They don't have the focus or discipline to really master any single thing which is why as a species we will never be anything more than dabblers and dilettantes. I don't know about you but I'm disgusted and appalled.

Hugh Briss

* I don't mean raising their glasses and shouting "To our weenies!"