January 15th, 2009

PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


Tired of being poor? Just send me 5 $ and I will send you money. Box 11.
For sale: Karl Marx's unheralded guide to investing: Das Kapital ("the money" in German). Full of great tips! Box 1848.
For rent: orifice space. $11/hour. Box 69.
I am travelling to an undisclosed location for twenty or thirty minutes next Wednesday and hate to fly alone. If you have in interest in a very very very short flight contact me. Box X53.
Not only is every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man but sharp dressed men are 17 percent more successful in the business world than slovenly dressed men. Why not visit Larry's House of Business Clothes and see what we can do for you? Conveniently located in the back booth of the Sal's in the Bus Depot.

Tips For Winter Living
Number Seven:

Winter days tend to be somewhat shorter than days in the other seasons. There's no reason you can't use this as an excuse to do a LOT less.



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Avoiding Losers Just Makes Sense

Everybody knows a loser or two and that's fine. But it's not fine to spend time with these people or let them into your home.
Losers have a way of taking up way too much space in your life. They steal valuable energy that could be used for wealth building or networking. And worst of all they drag you down.
If you are not a loser associating with losers will soon make you one. Think of the people you have admired or respected in the past. Did you notice them hanging around with losers? No you didn't.

Why Money Is Important

What a lot of people fail to realise about money is that it can be used to buy things.
So what I hear you say. Sew buttons. But more importantly: buying things can make you popular and important.
You impugn the veracity of that statement? How many important poor people are there?
And don't say Gandhi. Gandhi had plenty of cash. How else did he managed to travel so much? And wasn't he a lawyer? Everybody knows those guys have money. Don't kid yourself Gandhi knew when to pick up a cheque.
Therein lies the key. Buy drinks. Little tasteful gifts (no whoopee cushions or fake poo - I mean it!). Treat people to lunch. But not those clowns you normally hang out with. IMPORTANT PEOPLE! Otherwise you might as well fire your cash out the window.

bags of it are necessary

Re-Defining Success

It has often been said that success is in the mind. This is not true but you do have some leeway when it comes to defining your own success.
Van Gogh is considered an artistic success but during his lifetime he was well known as a complete loser. What changed? He died. Once nobody had to put up with his corporeal essence (and its incumbent smell) his paintings started to look a whole lot better.
What can you do to undergo a VG like transformation?
I'm not suggesting you kill yourself (its no guarantee). What I am suggesting is that you move the goal-line. Aim for success long after you are dead. Try writing a really amazing novel and then hiding it in an attic. Or painting some unbelievably good paintings and then over-painting them with something crappy.
See? It's easy!

Dress For Success

Nice Hat!

People make all kinds of assumptions about you based on the way that you dress. And why wouldn't they? What could be a better barometer of a person's character than their choice of garb?
Corduroy pants effectively signal that you are an intellectual. This is a good choice if you work in one of the duller social sciences.
A fantastic hat shows that you are a person of distinction with a devil-may-care attitude! If you run a small Mediterranean Republic then go for it!
Nothing spells iconoclast like a cape. If you are an artist or a super hero consider purchasing one.

What's Holding YOU Back?

A lot of us just get in our own way. Our scruples or morals or what have you, prevent us from effectively climbing to the top of the heap.
Sometimes our inhibitions can do this too. Fear of looking evil or crazy can limit your success.
The good news is that all of these things can be over-ridden with a little effort. By working each day at eliminating an inhibition or something I like to call a "morality block" you can become a more effective social climber.

Three Successful People

Pope Alexander VI
This spectacular cat, aka Rodrigo Borgia, managed to get elected Pope despite having an alarming number of illegitimate kids. He set out who got what in the "New World" despite never having set foot in the place and managed to have a guy he didn't like, Savonarola, put to death for no real reason. Now that's successful!

Edward Bernays
This wacky nephew of Sigmund Freud managed to convince American doctors to recommend bacon and eggs as the healthy breakfast food. He was responsible for the triumph of the Dixie cup, and made a very nice living whilst serving as an inspiration to Joseph Goebbels.

Abigail Van Buren
For over forty years Pauline Phillips, the twin sister of Ann Landers (not her real name), dispensed advice (without a licence) to millions of ...people. All kinds of them took it when there was really no good reason for them to do so.