PERSIFLAGE

January 4th, 2007

An old Mogul woman collecting horse manure in the Gobi for fuel. What would her happy moments consist of? Finding an extra large lump?
      -Sadakichi Hartmann

Classifieds

For sale: one extra-large carton of eggs. Some weigh over sixteen pounds and the carton itself is almost half a block long. Ideal for large family. Box 30.
I will be travelling to San jose in late January and am looking for someone to share the driving chores. If you have experience with the model of two-person unicycle known as "The Crippler" let me know. Box 229.
Don't Forget: January is Be Kind to Slide Projectors Month. Events planned include the ritual burning of a Data Projector on the steps of the Legislature on the 15th.

Links

Gallery 803
aceartinc
Platform Gallery
P:son Oneline Persiflages
In English?

Tips For Winter Living

Tip#12:   Feeling depressed about the length of winter? Think in geologic terms. Winter is an Ice Age and you are the Great Wooly Mammoth! Feel the great glaciers move beneath your giant feet!

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Shocking new revelations about Princess Diana

are not contained in this article

One wonders why people are instantly drawn to the macabre and the sensational, well, one doesn't wonder for very long because, logically, if one isn't attracted to the sensational one is attracted to the boring and that is nonsensical. As to the macabre, well, who knows.

Actually right after I wrote that sentence I thought maybe I wasn't too sure what macabre meant after all so I looked it up. Turns out that macabre means anything that has death as a subject. That makes sense. I mean we're all going to die (not right now I mean – you can sit back down) so why wouldn't we be interested in that?

Even more interestingly (to me anyway) is that when I was looking up macabre I noticed the word 'modiste'. Now that's not a word I'm familiar with, or at least I wasn't. It's "one who makes and sells fashionable dresses and hats for women". Neat huh?

I bet if you're like me (too bad for you) you're thinking "if someone is making non-fashionable hats and dresses for women then they are not technically a modiste." So who makes that decision? Is there a modiste licensing board? Can you lose your standing as a modiste if you make one bad hat choice? God knows (you'll notice that I didn't say God only knows as quite a few other people are in the loop on this one) I've made my share of bad hat choices and thankfully, aside from the continuous mocking of my fellows, I have not had to pay for them.

I just read over that last paragraph and I think I may need to clear a few things up. I think I may have given the impression that I am accustomed to not pay for my headgear. Let me just say that I have never stolen a hat in my life. As far as I remember. There were a few years there where I maybe wasn't as sober as I could have been. I might have taken a hat. Call it a youthful prank. There was certainly no profit motive. I certainly have never been part of the "hot hat trade" in this country or any other (take that Interpol!).

The other thing I'd like to clear up is this – when I said I had made some bad hat choices I didn't mean that I had made bad hats I meant that I had worn or purchased bad hats. I never meant to imply that I was in any way a part of the millinery trade. Not that there is anything wrong with hat-making, it's just not something I do. I hope that’s clear. What was I talking about?

Hugh Briss

Letters to Persiflage

Dear Persiflage,
In your edition of December 28th, 2006 (last year) you made mention of the Special Edition Commemorative Plates that were issued by us on the occasion of the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. In your article you referred to this collectible as a "Tomkat" plate. This is incorrect use of the nomenclature. The collectible in question is called "The Holmes/Cruise Nuptials Celebration Serving Dish" "Tomkat" is what we in the business refer to as a nomen dubium much like the former "Bennifer". Also, the collectible to which you refer has already increased in value. So there.

Sincerely,
Franklin the Turtle
Director of Public Relations
The Franklin Mint
Making useless crap for longer than any of us can remember

Dear Franklin,
So?
HB

Dear Persiflage,
I am a large (16 stone) vole with a love of singing and the outdoors. Can you explain to me why you have no good vole-oriented links on your site or any really interesting articles or stories featuring voles? Also, apropos of nothing, I have recently started a website (www.bigvoles.com) that may be of interest to you or your readers. It features articles about large voles (more than 11 stone) and mp3s of voles singing outside.

Sincerely,
A Big Vole

Dear BV,
You are too large a vole for us to feel very comfortable denying you anything so feel free to advertise your very odd site here.
Yours unquestioningly,
Hugh Briss

Journal of a Disturbed Individual (Part two)

April 28th 2004
Who doesn't like pancakes? The rabbit who lives under my back porch that's who. When did I get a back porch?
April 29
Mystery of the back porch solved. I was in the wrong house. Actually it was more like a series of egg cartons. Comfy though.
April 30
Ate a lot of cheese today. Began my all lint diorama of the Wreck of the Hesperus. Looks a lot like my yogurt sculpture of the first G-7 conference. Maybe little hats would help.
May the first/ 2004
Quite the holiday for the working man. Unfortunately I am unemployed and so I must continue working. The lint sculpture is almost finished. There are only the hats to do.
The very next day (surprisingly)/ 2004
Left my apartment today and went downtown. Couldn't concentrate on my work. The lint figures mocked me unmercifully. I could hear them talking about me whenever I left the room. IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME THEY'D STILL BE IN THE DRYER!
Three days later.
Well! What an interesting two and a half days!
May 11
Serious argument with photograph of John Wilkes Booth this morning. Highly overrated as an actor in my opinion. He can't even do a good suspicious look.
A few days later
More trouble with the lint figures. They refuse to wear the new hats. It was imperative that I crush them. Sad, but fun too!
May 14, 2004
Strange noise emanating from my pants. Too frightened to put them on. Wore tea towels instead again. Really quite comfortable but a tad breezy.
May 15
Hasn't happened yet so I'm not sure what to write. Hope it's a good day! I wonder if Neptune is all watery.