The Website for Self-Important Blowhards and the people who love them.


July 12, 2007

holy man

Not everyone can be an innovating genius.

-Jan Sibelius

Our "Be A Marketing Genius!" coaching workshop series takes the same elements of our one-on-one coaching and delivers it to a room of motivated business owners.

PERSIFLAGE is very often updated on Thursdays but sometimes it isn't. Get used to it.


This weekend I will be having a garage sale. Turns out I have an extra garage that I can't use anymore due to some reason I am unwilling to discuss. It is made almost entirely of glass except for the lid, which is metal, over four inches tall and smells slightly of boysenberries. Now that I think about it - it's probably an old jam jar. At any rate it's yours for a mere $17.50. Box 229.

Tips for Summer Living:

Tip #4:  Want to lose a few pounds and fit (comfortably) into your swimsuit? Cut back to one row of cookies per sitting. The pounds/kilos will melt off!
[Ed.- just an expression]



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Oddly Disturbing News about the Hugh Briss Disappearance

Yesterday PERSIFLAGE received from "the desk of Bhagwan Sri Floyd Llewellyn Jones," the Welsh Holy Man, information concerning Hugh Briss or "Brother Obdurate" as he now wishes to be known.
Since we are unable or unwilling to paraphrase this communication we are presenting it here in its entirety in the hopes that it will put to rest rumours of Briss's demise. He appears to be alive and well, at least physically, although I personally wouldn't count on his return to the helm here any time soon. - EW

From the Desk of the Bhagwan Sri Floyd Llewellyn Jones

The Ashram of the Blessed Adamantine Inflexibility
#17B-2699 Portage Avenue, Winnipeg, Manitoba,

In this age of subjectivity, understanding and forgiveness it is easy to lose one's way.

We have come to accept different behaviours and "lifestyle choices".

We think it is "okay" when someone is late for an appointment or signs something with a red pen.

We "make allowances" and we "adjust" when the store is out of our brand of cookies or when someone sits in our seat on the bus.

We have been taught to accept odd smells, loud unpleasant noises and stupid opinions as part of "civilization".

We have come to believe it is wrong to be "a hardass".

The Bhagwan Sri Floyd Llewellyn Jones replies:
Is it good to be a soft ass?
Should we eat any old cookie? Even dry oatmeal cookies with no chocolate chips?
Should we make our eyes accept red ink when there is perfectly serviceable blue ink available in the world?
Should we listen to Foghat or Avril Lavigne?
Should be subject our nostrils to patchouli and KFC?
Should we tolerate the belief that " cell phones are actually pretty useful"?


The Bhagwan has expanded the idea of intolerance so that it can include all of humanity. He has shown that it is possible to achieve enlightment by completely writing off the opinions, tastes, odors and clothing choices of everyone.

The Bhagwan after years spent in the company of others found them to be stupid and unpleasant and so he retreated into his own company which he found quite intelligent and very pleasing. At this moment he experienced AWAKENING in which he realized that everyone else was wrong about everything.

The Bhagwan was, at first, unsure of what to do with this knowledge. Then one day a pizza delivery boy came to his door and was unable to make change. The Bhagwan punched him in the stomach and called him a moron. He immediately felt better.

The Bhagwan, sitting alone in his cell, had a second spiritual TRANSFORMATION in which he realized that his unhappiness came from his attempt to be understanding and flexible. By trying to adjust to the flaws of the human beings around him he was making himself unhappy. Since he liked himself better than anyone else he had ever met he knew this was wrong.

The Bhagwan, on his release from prison, started the Ashram of the Adamantine Inflexibility which was dedicated to screwing the other guy and his stupid opinions. The Bhagwan knows that only by being a hard ass can true enlightment be achieved.

The Bhagwan Sri Floyd Llewellyn Jones, would like to welcome his first disciple Brother Obdurate (nee Hugh Briss) into the fold. And anybody who doesn't like it can go [...word missing] themselves.