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July 24, 2008Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. Robert Benchley The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something. Robert Benchley PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays. ClassifiedsFor sale: one peanut butter cup formerly owned by Lindsay Lohan. $45 OBO. Box 209.
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 On Procrastination and Its AdherentsEver since 217 BCE when the Romans elected Quintus Fabius Maximus dictator, procrastinators have gotten bad press. Quintus, known as Cunctator, which is Latin for "the Delayer", was not super-inclined to meet Hannibal (of elephants and Alps fame) directly in battle since he (Quintus) was pretty sure he would lose. The Cunctator's strategy was to follow Hannibal around (not too closely) until he (Hannibal) got tired and went back to Africa. But Joe Roman Citizen (or Publius as he was probably called) didn't really dig this strategy as it made the famed Roman legionaries seem a tad light in the sandals (or caligae). As a result Quintus was quite unpopular and he was eventually given the old heave-ho. Two new consuls (whose names I have forgotten and I am too lazy to look them up) were elected in his place. These two immediately confronted Hannibal with a huge Roman force (almost twice the size of Hannibal's). Hannibal, who was a pretty smart cookie, managed to annihilate this force in a wee contretemps that became known as "The Battle of Cannae" (as it was fought very near a place called, you guessed it, Cannae). It is pretty clear in retrospect that QFM knew what he was doing. The Cunctator knew that sometimes not acting is the best policy. This, for some odd reason, reminds me of the old story of the Goat and the Smaller Goat. Once upon a time there was a goat. Who lived with a smaller goat in a modest bungalow on the edge of a glade [Not the air freshener -Ed.].
Ever since 217 BCE when the Romans elected Quintus Fabius Maximus dictator, procrastinators have gotten bad press. Quintus, known as Cunctator, which is Latin for "the Delayer", was not super-inclined to meet Hannibal (of elephants and Alps fame) directly in battle since he (Quintus) was pretty sure he would lose. The Cunctator's strategy was to follow Hannibal around (not too closely) until he (Hannibal) got tired and went back to Africa. But Joe Roman Citizen (or Publius as he was probably called) didn't really dig this strategy as it made the famed Roman legionaries seem a tad light in the sandals (or caligae). As a result Quintus was quite unpopular and he was eventually given the old heave-ho. Two new consuls (whose names I have forgotten and I am too lazy to look them up) were elected in his place. These two immediately confronted Hannibal with a huge Roman force (almost twice the size of Hannibal's). Hannibal, who was a pretty smart cookie, managed to annihilate this force in a wee contretemps that became known as "The Battle of Cannae" (as it was fought very near a place called, you guessed it, Cannae). It is pretty clear in retrospect that QFM knew what he was doing. The Cunctator knew that sometimes not acting is the best policy. The smaller goat was so taken by the advice contained within the essay that he stopped doing any of the chores whatsoever. The larger goat, whose name was Quintus oddly enough, wondered why he had given the smaller goat the essay in the first place.
It is precisely this sort of thing that leads to... To Be Continued Hugh Briss |