hilarious sub-heading    

June 11th, 2009

The truth doesn't put anything on a coaster.

Martin Crane

PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


For sale or rent: trailer, also rooms to rent (50 cents) do not inquire about cigarettes as I do not have any. Reply to R. Miller Box 19.
I am currently working on a crossword puzzle and I can't get 17 Down. The clue is stupid online magazine. It is ten letters and ends in GE. If you can help send me letters at Box 33.



Listen to Part Nine of

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore

Click on the picture. (2:36)

Or start at the beginning with Part One

Chrysler, a Communist Organisation?

hammer and sickle

It was revealed today by the business watchdog group, Stop Commies Acquiring Businesses (SCAB), that they believe the United Auto Workers, a union, may be lobbying to buy Fiat's 20 percent stake in Chrysler. That would leave 10 percent in government hands (US and Canadian) 75 percent in UAW hands and a further 15 percent possibly in the hands of anarchists or pinkos or someone. Chrysler would then be the only car manufacturer since Lada operated by communists.

NHL Commissioner "Disappointed" in Balsillie

Gary Bettman said today in a private conversation today that someone managed to overhear by leaning in real close, that he was disappointed to learn that Balsillie did NOT want to bring the Phoenix Coyotes to Canada but actually wanted to bring some coyotes from Phoenix to Canada in order to deal with the rabbits who had been raiding his garden of late.

wiley balsillie

New Wisconsin State Health Coverage


A new badger care plan could help those who utilize La Crosse's Saint Clare Mission Clinic. The new version of Wisconsin's Badger Health Care plan would include adults that were previously exempt. The plan that goes into effect Monday will extend coverage to the millions of badgers without health insurance.

Campbell Unveils New Cabinet

BC Premier Gordon Campbell finally took the old woolen blanket off the cabinet he had sitting in his office. Reporters were treated to a glimpse of the new finish which Campbell claimed to have accomplished himself with some Danish oil and "a little elbow grease".


Dramatic Rise in Filler Articles

A dramatic rise in the number of filler news articles with no real content has been reported. It is believed that these are dropped into websites merely to take up space.

Gay Pride Parade "Toned Down"?

The lobby group, People Offended Often (POO), issued a call to local and national politicians to act immediately to tone down Pride Week festivities across the country. Spokes person Lenny Torbunkel stated: "We realise that unfortunately we can't stop these things from happening but do they have to be so gay?" POO would like the parades to be low key and preferably held in out of the way places where no one can see them. They call for a dress code of "casual business attire" for men and "plain dresses" for the ladies ONLY.

Revelations about Sri Lanka's Refusal of Rae

boo hoo

A senior Sri Lankan official told reporters today that Canadian MP Bob Rae had been refused entry to Sri Lanka not on the basis of his alleged support of the Tamil Tigers but because "we just don't like him". A tearful Mr. Rae refused comment.

Police Notes - Plum Coulee
RCMP officers arrested a male employee of the local supermarket who was dressed as a giant squirrel after he invited members of a local church group to "try" his nuts.

Trauma More Likely


Health Canada has revealed that individuals who have been struck by automobiles are more likely to suffer physical trauma than those individuals who have never been struck.

New Guidelines for Hot

hot enough for ya?

New guidelines have been issued for deciding what is "hot" and what isn't. Recently there has been a marked decline in the quality of "hot" things with certain things (such as Paris Hilton, again,) making into the news and onto the internet as "hot" when they are clearly tepid or lukewarm (37C in the case of Paris- Hilton that is, the city is currently 16C) at best and some are (as in the case of Lohan/Ronson) flat out cold.
The new guidelines will come into effect next week.

This Week's Word is ELUSIVE which is an adjective commonly used to describe something which is elusive.