The Online Magazine For People Who Read Online Magazines and Then Tell People About Them

June 12, 2008

The Loneliest Monk

The piano ain't got no wrong notes.

Thelonius Monk

PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


For sale: one set of pickup sticks. $4 or $3 if you pick them up. Box 11.
For rent: DVD Box Set - The Complete Saved By the Bell: The Prison Years. Includes outtakes and commentary by some renowned penologists (not a dirty word) Box 90210.
Will trade: photographs of Gore Vidal standing completely motionless for ones in which he is quite blurry. Box 1876.



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Aphorisms for the aphoristically inclined:

One needn't ever worry about where one's next meal is coming from. One should worry about where it's going.

As one grows older one learns what is really important - real estate.

Young people have one great advantage - their age.

It's okay to lean on your friends if they are reasonably sturdy and keep their feet about shoulder width apart.

Neither a borrower nor a returner of borrowed stuff be.

It is better to have loved and then lost your keys than to have never had keys that you could conceivably lose.

A friend in need is best avoided.

Nothing worth knowing is ever overheard on a bus.

The only thing worse than waking up alone and lonely is not waking up until your pants have been almost completely filled with that stuff they put in those little cream puff thingies from some no-name bakeshop where the baker doesn't have really fine habits of personal hygiene and then having to walk all the way home in the hot sun with little boys laughing at you and throwing tiny handfuls of rotting crab apples.
Or so I hear.

Compiled by the PERSIFLAGE staff

And another thing...

Dear Mr. Briss,
For a number of years now I have been engaged to a young man who purports to love me. Until recently I had no reason to doubt this assertion but then I learned that he is, in actual fact, not a young man but an umbrella stand (and not a very good one at that). My question to you, as a man of the world, is should I break off the engagement?
Chloe the Fiancee

Dear Chloe,
I really have no idea what would lead you to believe that I am a man of the world but I will answer your question nonetheless. No.

Dear Persiflage,
I have visited your website over 400 times in the last two months and I have yet to see an accurate drawing of a stoat. Why is that?
Also do you know of any websites that feature drawings of stoats? And lastly, why do you think stoats aren't very popular?
A Stoat Fancier Par Excellence

Dear So and So,
I would recommend a visit to and also, and perhaps more urgently, a qualified psychiatrist. I have nothing against psychologists, they certainly have their uses, but psychiatrists can prescribe drugs.
Which is nice.

The Bird Who Flew Into a Window

Once upon a time there was a bird who flew into a window and was killed.

She had been trying to find a Kool and the Gang track on her Nano. She could never remember the exact name.

The space in front of her was not open sky but the plate glass store front of a kitchen supply place.

This incident should not be taken as evidence that the Nano is a bad product or that Kool and the Gang gave their songs insufficiently memorable names.

It's just something that happened.

The End


Public Service Announcement

here it is

Like photographs? Like stuff in buildings? Like leaving your house? Well, if you were to go by 284 William Avenue (in Winnipeg) during the day you might see something you might like. (If you go in, that is. If you just stand outside then I don't know how to help you. I really don't.)