Making the Unclear Unclearer and the Clear Somewhat Less Clear With a 50/50 Mixture of Aplomb and Alacrity

June 19, 2008

Long ago, an asteroid hit our planet and killed our dinosaurs. But in the future maybe we'll go to another planet and kill their dinosaurs.

Jack Handey

PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


Like talking about cars but not riding in them? Join us on the #24 bus weekdays between 10 am and 3 pm for a lively discussion about cars and how neat they look glimpsed out of the window of a city bus. We're The Car Talking Bus Guys.
For sale: my fingerprints. Used only at one crime scene. $7 OBO. Box 10.
For rent: summer cottage at Grand Beach. Sadly it is filled with cheese. Not sure what kind. $43/week. Box 229.
For sale: videos of me removing my pants very quickly. PG-13 (I am wearing underwear which is not at all revealing) $7. Box 13.
Will trade my old style barometer (stuck on Changeable) for a moist towelette that has not been used for anything nasty. Box 27.



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Love: Elusive or Ubiquitous?

Many people write in to this website (and presumably others) asking how they can find true love. Assuming such a thing exists and putting aside the question of why one would write in to a website asking for such a thing, I will attempt an answer for this popular query.

Love has been with us as a concept since before the ancient Sumerians were making little arrowy type marks in clay and yet no one seems to have come up with an exact definition. Guess it's time we did something about that. Here it is:

Love is an odd feeling that you have when you think about, see or touch someone (or I suppose some thing) that makes you want to do stuff to them (or it) and which, if you are unable to do this stuff for some reason, makes you very very sad. True love is when you are not kidding yourself about this.

Now that we know what true love is we can address the question of how to find it. This is really a question not so much of how but where. Where exactly does one look for some one (or some thing) to do this stuff to?

Quite often love objects can be found very close to home. Try looking out your window. Is there something walking by? Do you want to do stuff to them? Well, there you go. Wasn't that easy?

As may have already occurred to you, the real problem is not finding someone to do stuff to, it is finding someone who is willing to let you do stuff to them. And perhaps even to do some similar stuff to you. This is largely a matter of luck and, sadly, I can't really help you with that.

Hugh Briss

Rodney the Suburban Pigeon

rodney's home?

He didn't like the constant jockeying for position on ledges. The incesssant cooing got on his nerves. he found concrete unwelcoming. Rodney was a pigeon who liked trees. Even in the densest part of the city he was always seeking out the lone tree. The other pigeons thought he was nuts.

More or less gradually Rodney moved farther and farther from downtown. At first it wasn't really conscious. He was just looking for trees and grass and then more trees and grass until one day he realised there were no other pigeons around and he was out in the suburbs.

Rodney liked the wide lawns and boulevards, the manicured trees and the low buildings. He felt relaxed and comfortable. He decided to stay.


Public Service Announcement

Come and check out Larry Glawson's brand spanking new photographic exhibition, entitled Homebodies, at 284 William Avenue (in Winnipeg). Open weekday afternoons til the 26th of June. There might be pie!