SPECIALProduct Placement StoryWally Carbuncle was a man with a plan. Wally's plan was to make a list using his Artline 200 Fine Point and a fresh sheet from his Hilroy 72 page Exercise book (8mm ruled with margin) to list all ways he'd been let down by Skip Wanamaker. Then, once he had the list made, he would be able to present it to all of this other friends so that they too would hate and despise Wanamaker. Wally anticipated that this would make him a happy man. The first thing he wrote on the list was the first time Skip had borrowed something from him and not returned it. On April 15th, 2001 (Wally remembered the date clearly because it was the 140th anniversary of the attack on Fort Sumter which was his favorite historical bombardment, not to mention his favorite National Park in South Carolina) Wally had lent him his 20th Century Masters of the Millenium (a Polydor product) recording of the Best of Abba. It was for a party Skip was having in honour of the Coleman 2 burner Dual Fuel Powerhouse Deluxe Stove. It was a fantastic album that featured Wally's favorite song "I do, I do, I do, I do, I do." Since that date Wally hadn't been able to. The second thing Wally put on his list was that Wanamaker had once bad-mouthed his (Wally's) Men's St. Croix Merino Wool Sleeveless Sweater (which he had in both Taupe and Bronze). The third thing Carbuncle placed on his list was the time that Skip had wrecked Wally's Pillsbury Toaster Strudel by heating it in his Sylvania 0.7 cubic foot Microwave Oven which, although a very fine product, was not meant to cook toaster strudel and therefore produced a tough and soggy crust. This reminded Wally of the fourth thing he was mad about. This was the fact that Skip had slept with Wally's girlfriend Liz in Wally's own Ikea Noresund bed and badly stained his Serta Perfect Sleeper. Wally looked down at his beautifully completed list. No one could fail to be convinced by it. Carbuncle smiled. Universal hatred awaited Skip Wanamaker. |
March 1, 2007It does not seem as if man could be brought by any sort of influence to change his nature into that of the ants. Tips for Winter Living:Tip #20: ClassifiedsFor Sale: Complete History of England. Contains several factual errors. Refers to Queen Victoria as a giant marmoset and claims the Spanish Armada was entirely successful. Not reliable. $3 OBO. Box 1066. LinksGallery 803 ARCHIVESThe Archives section of PERSIFLAGE is under construction at the moment. Soon every PERSIFLAGE ever to appear on the web will be available online. Now isn't that worth waiting for? Don't answer that. |