stop asking

MARCH 29, 2007

The most important piece of furniture in a house is the garbage can!
                                 - Karl Lagerfeld

PERSIFLAGE is updated Thursdays.


For Sale: my entire collection of mismatched and single socks. A wide range of colours (black AND grey) and styles. Over 100 socks. $45. Box 33.
Grow Giant Spinach! That's it. I'm not selling anything I just think you should grow giant spinach.
Tired of loud noises in your apartment? Irritated by your clompy fellow citizens? Why not help us stamp out stamping? We're People Against Social Stamping However Obnoxious, Loud and Egregious (PASSHOLEs) Donate generously. Box 127.
New Home Owner? Still feeling a tad unsettled? Why not quickly age your home with Insta-Scuff? Insta-Scuff is a spray on product that immediately makes any surface look like it's been abused by careless louts. Makes any new home look lived in. $3.95/can.

Tips for Spring Living:

Tip #1:  To protect yourself from the splashing of swiftly moving cars - a perfectly serviceable sarong can be made from two of those big orange garbage or leaf bags taped together. (The vertically challenged can get away with one).



How are you doing?


The World Association For English Reform (WAFER) announced this week that the word "literally" will be literally dropped from the English Language after the end of this month.
Burman Coulfax, the current President, stated that the word had suffered such horrendous abuse over the past few years that it was now rendered meaningless.
"It was time to put it out of it's misery" Coulfax said on Monday. "It was just getting sadder and sadder."
Apparently the decision was an emotional one for WAFER members. Coulfax added "A lot of us here at the Association felt pretty bad about it but none of us really, actually, in truth, broke down and bona fide cried."
Sunday will mark the last day literally can be used in a sentence. Monday the word will be dropped from the top of the building that houses WAFER's headquarters in Boise.


2nd Ever Persiflage Poetry Contest

In the spring of 2002 PERSIFLAGE ran a poetry contest and it was... well, a poetry contest. At any rate we have, for some strange reason, decided to do it again. Submit your poem to us at our regular email address with I RULE! in the subject line. Poems should not be longer than 20 lines and should also not be in Sumerian cuneiform as we have had very little luck with this in the past and there's still some bad feeling floating around the building. The deadline is April 15.
Here is the winning poem from last time:

     A wonderful bird is the pelican.
     His physical attributes
     are disproportionally disturbing, and,
     to say the least,
     useful to him in the extreme.

     But I, who share none
     of his fine qualities,
     or love of fish,
     can still jam
     a lot of these cookies
     in my mouth.

Jen Teal          

Dear Sammy
"Jubilate" here is clearly hortative. "Agnew" is NOT the object of jubilate as agnus is in the original Christopher Smart poem. Did you even read it? What the hell are they teaching you in that school of yours?
p.s. iubilare a compound verb?

A fascinating but brief little audio tale will open if you click on the picture below. Clicking on the picture above will get you nothing.