persiflage
tettering on the edge of profound
March 31st, 2011
We wanted something more, but what the 'more' was we could not exactly say.
George Grosz
Classifieds
This weekend marks the opening of a Ground Breaking exhibition at the Museum of Excavation in Sudbury, Ontario.
For sale: paraffin wax. Available in 50kg blocks or the handy travel size 5kg. Box 13.
Eddie Weymer's Cookie Delivery is now in Ottawa! Just call our 1-800 number 1-800-EDC-OOKY 24/7 365 for cocoanut macaroons or ginger snaps or one of our 382 other varieties delivered to your door. Only one cookie per order please.
The Mystery of the Lost Lenore
Listen to Part Ninety-Nine
Click on the picture. (3:54)
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How to Tell
If You Are Living in an Epoch
There have been many exciting epochs in human history (Name three. 6 marks. Show your work) but unfortunately a lot of them were wasted on the people who lived through them. You see, a lot of the folks in those epochs didn't even know they were in one!
This is startling to us, living as we do now in the midst of the Information Age. What with our cell phones and Facebook and Twitters and Google and so forth, we are used to knowing everything and knowing it instantly. Some other way of operating is stymieing to us. How could they not know, we think. What was wrong with them? Were they stupid?
Well, the simple answer is: yes. Yes, they were stupid but, they were also ignorant. They were just not aware of the signs. This ignorance is what kept them from fully enjoying the benefits of living through or in an epoch (Name two. 8 marks). Sad really. But ask yourself this question: Do you know the signs? That's what I thought.
You yourself could be living in an epoch and you wouldn't even know it! You are as ignorant as those folks in the past. So how does one know when one is living in an epoch? I am about to tell you.
The first thing you might ask yourself is this: are there an awful lot of interesting things going on? I don't mean in your personal life or in your neighbourhood. I mean interesting political, cultural or artistic things. Is, for instance, there a whole new style of music being made? If so this might be a clue.
Second, are there a lot of cultural historians milling about and taking notes? Cultural historians LOVE epochs. Writing about them, visiting them, lecturing on them. If you are living in an epoch there is no way there won't be at least one or two cultural historians within shouting distance of you at any given time.
But how can I spot a cultural historian you ask? Well, it used to be that they could be singled out by their ascots and tweed blazers but that is no longer so much the case. Now over-sized glasses are sometimes a tip-off but they are more easily spotted due to their serious demeanour combined with a wry half smile. They also tend to nod a lot and make hmmming noises. In other words, they look a lot like architects.
So that's it. Interesting things, cultural historians and there you go - you are living in an epoch. Enjoy!
H. Briss
Rodney The Hand Sanitizer
Once upon a time there was a hand sanitizer named Rodney. Rodney was a dedicated and proud health care professional who firmly believed that clean hands were a strong bulwark against communicable disease.
One day as Rodney was providing cleanser to one of his clients he had a disturbing thought.
It occurred to Rodney that by giving people a safe, easy and convenient way to clean and sanitize their hands he might be inadvertently encouraging them to participate in unclean activities that they might not otherwise engage in if they had to clean their hands in some more difficult or inconvenient manner. Rodney did not like this idea.
What if, because of him, people were... Rodney didn't want to think of all the terrible unsanitary things that people could get up to. He didn't want to think of them but he couldn't help himself. Once the idea had popped into his head he couldn't get it to pop out. He just kept thinking about it.
All sorts of terrible mental images spun inside Rodney's brain. He could clearly see people doing all sorts of messy, dirty, sick things. It was disturbing him mightily. But what to do? He was a hand sanitizer he had to sanitize hands didn't he?
Or did he? Suddenly occurred to Rodney that he didn't have to be a hand sanitizer. He didn't have to enable the humans in their twisted dirty activities if he didn't want to. He could do anything he wanted to.
So Rodney became the very worst rodeo clown ever and people's hands got just a little bit dirtier.
E. Watermuldar
