November 1, 2007All I ever wanted was a rich uncle. Werner Von Braun PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays. ClassifiedsSure I've been disbarred but that doesn't mean I've forgotten all that law stuff. If you want legal (or illegal) advice and are willing to pay contact me. I'm usually in the Sal's by the bus depot wearing a red hat. It doesn't necessarily have to be money. I like a nice piece of pie. I'm Larry the Law Talking Guy.
Tips for Autumnal Living: Tip #7: Geese can be found in abundance this time of year. Few people know it but they love a good hug. Just run up and grab one. ArchivesLinksGet our email bulletins: |
Mr Rat Carries OnI had been away from the lab for more than a few days and there had been no more real windfalls like the pizza. I had managed to eat but just barely and I'm not even going to mention what I'd been eating. You don't want to know! I'd found a room in a hotel and I was staying mostly in the closet and behind the walls. Sometimes I'd come out and rummage around a bit when the drunk guy was asleep. Once I chewed on the sleeve of his coat for a bit. Don't ask me why. It seemed like the thing to do. I guess I was bored. I wasn't exactly missing the lab but I guess I was missing, to a certain extent, the regularity. I never really thought of myself as a routine guy but I guess on some level I am. I could hardly go scurrying back to the lab with my tail between my legs. I'd thrown off that last experiment pretty badly and they were damn sure not going to forgive that. Anyway, I didn't want to go back. I just wanted a little security. I needed a job. Now 99% of my previous experience was as a lab rat so transitioning to a new career was going to be tricky. I wasn't really trained to do much else. All this was going through my mind one day last week as I was rummaging through the drunk guys stuff one night and I came across something interesting. It was a matchbook. Now ordinarily this isn't the sort of thing that gets me going (I don't smoke - I understand it causes cancer) but this particular matchbook had an advertisement for something called ICS on it. ICS stands for International Correspondence School and these good people, for a small fee, will teach you anything THROUGH THE MAIL! I immediately signed up for Firearms Repair and now I run my own gunshop out of the drunk guy's closet! The money's good and I meet a really nice class of rat. I'm so glad I didn't go back to the lab. |
Chip's Fantasy LifeOnce upon a time there was a guy named Chip.Chip rode the bus to work every morning and back home again in the late afternoon. It wasn't a long busride. It was only about half an hour but it was long enough for Chip's mind to drift and for him to fantasize. Chip fantasized about the usual things. Often he would fantasize about girls. Chip would sit on the bus, his eyes would half-close and he would imagine that a reasonably young, reasonably pretty girl would get on in a stop or two and as she walked past Chip on the way to her seat she would sort of smile at him. Sometimes on the way home Chip would fantasize that he was on an earlier bus and that he would arrive at home 11 minutes earlier than he actually would. Even at home Chip would sometimes fantasize. Sometimes after he had eaten dinner he would fantasize that there was one more cookie for him to eat. Or sometimes he would imagine that he had already done his dishes when he hadn't. And once Chip fantasized that he had won a free ticket in the lottery. But the really sad thing was that none of Chip's fantasies ever came true. Elrose Watermuldar Don't Forget to Remember Glen Johnson, raconteur and bon vivant, will deliver a slide lecture entitled You Can Go Home Again: Thomas Wolfe Was Wrong, at the University of Winnipeg in Room 3C01 on Thursday, November 1st at 5pm. Great New Contest! Ever notice how the background of PERSIFLAGE changes every week? No? What the hell's the matter with you? Well, anyway you can pick the colors for next week's PERSIFLAGE! Just send your suggestions (expressed by number code ie. "#FFFFFF") to our regular email address (vide ad sinistram). Your prize? The joy of being part of something really great! |