Providing You With a Reason To Live Since Last Yearish

November 8, 2007

I may cause dizziness.


PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


For Sale: my complete collection of insurance company give-away calendars. Dating back to early 2006. Incredibly valuable. Some unsoiled. $6 OBO. Box 234.
Crow seeks murder. Into pizza crusts and looking tough. Box 11.
Tickets are still available for next Wednesday's Antepenultimate Fighting Match at the Convention Centre. If you like Ultimate Fighting but find the violence a little off-putting check out AFC action. You'll see shoving and name-calling, you'll see feelings hurt and shoes badly scuffed. Very exciting! Act now! Box 16.
Tired of looking for a ruler every time you need to measure something? With Larry's New Long Sleeve Measuring Shirts you won't have to. Available in metric and imperial.

Tips for Autumnal Living:

Tip #8:  There is a temptation this time of year to wear outrageous knitted hats in an attempt to stay warm. Yield to it.



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A Leaf of Grass

Davis was a blade of grass. He lived in the midst of a number of other blades on the edge of a sidewalk in Elmwood.
The other blades of grass were pretty wild about Whitman. They were always quoting passages and constantly referring to the poems in connection with their lives. Davis read Whitman but he felt no real connection to it. He didn't feel anything.
Oh sure he liked the bit where Whitman said "I contain multitudes". That was Davis totally. But that was it. None of the rest of it meant anything to him.
If pressed Davis would say that Song of Myself was "special" for him, implying that there were other poems that he liked just a little less, but he honestly couldn't see what the fuss was about. He was worried that he just didn't "get" poetry.
Then one day Davis stumbled across the Manyoshu, the great Japanese anthology, and read the lines:

Shall we stay in the
house to make love, when over
the grasses of Inami Moor
there glows the moonfilled night?

Davis felt an immediate connection. He wanted to be a blade of grass on Inami Moor, bending under the weight of lovers, enjoying the moon's bright face in the dark night sky.
Davis hated being illuminated all night every night by a harsh streetlight. He hated being crapped on by the little Pekinese who lived down the block. And he was sick and tired of being surrounded by a crowd of Whitman worshipping wind-wagglers!
But when he thought about it he realised there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He would never spend a night on a Japanese moor.

The End

Moral: Don't read poetry. It brings dissatisfaction.


Badger Coup Thwarted

Residents of Thurman, Saskatchewan breathed a sigh of relief today when it was revealed by the Reve, Don B. Hafsaffe, that the local RCMP detachment had Theodore Dachs in custody.
Mr. Dachs, a badger and megalomaniac, had terrorised the small farming community and its environs over the last month and a half.
Dachs had publicly, on several occasions, stated that it was his purpose to seize control of Thurman, and its environs, and declare a "Grand Duchy of Dachs".
The tubby middle-aged bachelor was known to be hostile to farm machinery and kittens and so local agriculturalists and felines had been quaking in fear during the recent reign of terror.
Mr. Hafsaffe, also the local International Harvester representative and kitten fancier, expressed his thanks to the RCMP and the watchful citizens of Thurman and its environs.
"Kudos to Constable Skip Wanamaker of the RCMP K-9 unit, Weiner Dog Division" the Reeve intoned " His effort was most excellent. As was that of Officer Sparky. Also thanks once again to the folks who live in Thurman for their patience during this ordeal."
"And also its environs." He added as kind of an afterthought.



Great Contest Heldover!

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