September 13, 2007
The best time to run away is September.
- Dawn Powell
I have grown fond of semi-colons in recent years.
- Lewis Thomas
PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.
Classifieds
Anyone knowing the whereabouts of "The Muffin Man" formerly of Drury Lane, is asked to please contact MMMMMMMuffins in the Concourse.
Tired of paynig exorbitant prices for rice? Why not visit Larry's Discount Rice Warehouse? We'll fix you up with either white or brown for a reasonable amount. Available in bags or sacks.
The Last Tip for Summer Living:
Tip #13: Stare at any green thing you see outside. They'll all be gone soon.
Go ahead and email us:
persiflagemag@hotmail.com
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Sumptuary Law Passed
Winnipeg City Council Rules "Excessive Tattooing" Illegal
City Council announced today that any one found in possession of more than two "large" tattoos could be charged under the provisions of a new bylaw.
Derwyn Kolifer, a senior official in the the city's Office of Neighbourlyness (not to be confused with the Zoo's Niels Bohr Lioness) stated at a press conference sort of kitty-corner from City Hall that the city had recently become concerned with excessive displays of wealth.
"We believe it leads to envy amongst the citizenry." Kolifer said.
Kolifer went on to state that bylaws prohibiting the slow driving of Humvees in certain neighbourhoods and the banning of those funny lighting up hubcaps were being contemplated when somebody way in the back yelled out that tattoos were really expensive.
An unnamed member of council from Transcona then stated before the exploratory committee that he knew a guy whose brother had paid over $10000 for a total "sleeve" tattoo and then somebody else who may or may not have been a city councillor said that the cost of covering a whole back would equal the price of a modest West End home.
"That's some serious coin!" another councillor allegedly ejaculated.
Won over by this argument Council passed the bylaw. Several other bylaws, including the hubcap one, are still before the committee.
Mr. Kolifer was quick to point out that the city was not against having a lot of money they were merely trying to stop people from looking like they had it.
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Mouse Wrestling Ring Busted
The Commissioner of Animal Crimes Prosecution in the Solicitor General's office announced yesterday that the RCMP had made 4 arrests in connection with a cross- country mouse wrestling ring.
Working in conjunction with several unspecified local police forces the RCMP Tiny Crimes Unit raided several locations in several provinces in a pre-dawn strike. Most of the locations proved to be empty but in one of them there were four guys who appeared to be taunting mice into fighting.
The TCU arrested the four men and captured six mice who were turned over to the Humane Society. They also seized 3 1/2 kilos of havarti, known as "The Fighting Cheese" for its pugnative properties.
Buggery Increases in Popularity
Entomologists at a National Convention in the Nation's Capital (Ottawa) cheered wildly at the announcement by the President of the Canadian Entomological Union that the killing, collecting and mounting of bugs was now the fifth most popular hobby in Canada.
The most popular hobby in Canada remained the same this year. Making crank phone calls topped the list again despite the prevalence of call display.
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Expanded Forecast
A spokesperson for the Weather Network announced today that the Network will now be forecasting other things besides the weather.
In addition to their regular updates on expected rain, winds and such like the Weather Network will now be paying attention to such disparate things as cheese consumption, fashion trends and celebrity arrests.
Initially these forecasts will be aired on the hour but the Network plans to move to an every two and a half minutes format.
The spokesperson went on to say that the Weather Network will be changing its name to the Potpourri Network to more adequately reflect its new focus, or lack thereof.
Show + tell
Notions of Home and Place by UofW Alumni
A new show opens next week at Gallery 1C03 at the Unversity of Winnipeg. It features twelve talented artists who are also Alumni. Unfortunately it also features a lecture by local blowhard, Glen Johnson, September 13th at 5pm in 3C01 (not a typo). But there will be muffins and cookies so...
Important Notification
It now appears that due to illness Glen Johnson will NOT deliver his lecture at the opening of the show so it's safe to go.
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