facile, puerile, hostile

September 18th, 2008

Mommy! Billy's callin' me a tattletale!

Dolly Keane

PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.


For rent; one barely used taunt involving a goose. Rather effectively derides someones sense of style. $3/day. Box 11.
For sale: a cardboard box. 25¢ Box 1.
We are excited to announce the opening of Larry's House of Money Canada's newest (as of this morning) financial institution. We specialize in unusal investments. Our latest opportunity involves the beverage industry and a certain get-together on Friday night. If you would like to be involved in this exciting enterprise just show up outside the Vendome shortly before last call on Friday night.
Join us all next week in the Exchange for Parsefest: A Celebration of Grammar. Events include symposia, round tables, panel discussions and readings. Fun for... well, somebody I guess.



Comments? Questions? Vitriol? Flattery?

Public Service Announcement

One September 25th at 7pm in the Videopool Studio located on the 3rd floor of Artspace (100 Arthur Street in Winnipeg) there will be a lecture entitled "How Technology Ruined Art". Sadly the person giving the lecture will be Glen Johnson.

lil' boy

The Bad Little Boy

Melvin M. Montrose was not the kind of little boy you would want to spend a day with even if you were the kind of person who liked spending a day with a little boy now and again.

Melvin M. Montrose was, in the words of his own mother, Martina L. Montrose, "a horrible little cuss". Given that Mrs. Montrose was a fair and even tempered sort of woman, not at all prone to use bad language, this is a fairly damning assessment.

Not even other bad little boys wanted to play with Melvin. They found his antics off-putting although that is not the language they would have used to explain their avoidance of Melvin.

Melvin's idea of a good time was to take a balloon out of the package and stretch it and stretch it until it was all stretchy and then, after running the garden hose until the water was very, very cold, put the balloon back in the package and turn off the hose.

Sometimes Melvin would take out a bunch of tacks and place them face up on the seat of a chair. Then he would stand there, right next to the chair, for a while before putting the tacks away.

Other times Melvin would loosen the tops on salt shakers before tightening them back up again.

And one time he shot a guy.

C.F. Maynard

An Unbelievably Short Story

Once upon a time there was a prince who did absolutely nothng ever.

C.F. Maynard

Popularity Decreases in Popularity

Scientists and pollsters have been scratching their heads of late at the recent discovery that popularity has decreased in popularity.

According to a variety of new scientific studies and newish polling data, popularity is no longer as popular as it once was. Beginning late last year more people began to feel that being well-liked by large numbers of people was just not something they were really into.

Scientists note that although the trend started with younger people it has since spread to older demographic groups and appears to be well-represented across socio-economic boundaries.

When asked to explain the recent decline in popularity, Walter Finchbetterer, President of the Board of the Popularity Institute, stated that he thought that perhaps popularity had been replaced, to an extent, by the Internet. He had no real explanation of how this was even possible.


Book Review

I am Rubber and You are Glue
by Herman Hermanopolis

Mr. Hermanopolis' latest memoir, the story of his first six months in Kindergarten, is something of a let down after last year's highly successful Goo Goo Ga Ga, which covered the eariler period of his life.

This book seems forced and lacks the wit of his earlier work. Gone are the exciting characters - Mr. Bunny and Old Blanket and in their stead we are introduced to such lackluster kiddies as Milton the Paste Eater and Stephanie Smelly Pants.

The character of Ms. Crenshaw is never fully explored. She is presented only as a giant authoritarian. If only Hermanopolis had subjected her to the kind of probing analysis that he used on Old Blanket this would have been a much more interesting read.

** 1/2

Reviewed by Sally Kind