September 15th, 2011
Vey probably certain of them, bees, ants, termites, had to struggle for thousands of centuries before they found the way to those state institutions, that division of functions, those restrictions upon individuals, which we admire them for today.
Sigmund Freud
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For sale: photographs taken on my new cell phone. Mostly of the inside of my pocket. Actually they are free if you can tell me how to get them off my phone. Box 2098.
For sale: odd tinngling sensation in my left foot. 4$ OBO. Box 13.
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Tips for Fall Living
Pumpkins and squashes make great table decorations but they can also, in a pinch, be used in a street fight.
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Au Revoir to the Past
When I was in university (last week I was cutting through the building on my way to the bar) I noticed that a lot of students were not carrying books. I can only assume that nowadays those involved in the acquisition of knowledge at the post-secondary level do the majority of their reading online, or in some other electronic format.
I guess this means the end of the book. Now before you get all excited expecting an essay ranting about the demise of the traditional binding of printed pages let me assure that this is not that. I'm not sure that I am, or will be, sorry to wave goodbye to those heavy bundles of paper.
I realise that amongst the intellectual set (whatever that is) it borders on sacrilege to suggest that the demise of the traditional book is not necessarily a bad thing but I have never been a slave to orthodoxy in my religious thinking.
What exactly are we losing? Aren't the trees heaving a sigh of relief? I personally possess a lot of books and I will tell you this for free - they take up a lot of room. And they are heavy! I had to have my home structurally altered in order to support the weight of the auxiliary library on the third floor. That wasn't cheap.
I am reliably informed that all of the books I currently own, if rendered in something called "digital format" would fit comfortably on the average iPod or something. Those are those things you see people carrying on the bus I think. Wow! How is that not a good thing?
Just think of all the things I could do with the spare rooms! Skittles. I've always wanted to learn how to play skittles. I could have a skittles room. And the main library could be, I don't know, a home gym.
I could really get into shape! I could get a medicine ball and some of those wooden bowling pin thingies, the wall cables, one of those belted electric ass shakers, a pommel horse. Whatever the latest exercise equipment is.
I dunno. I think progress is sometimes a pretty good thing.
Hugh Briss
The Winslows' Summer Vacation
There had been an outbreak of giant bears very near their cabin and so the Winslows were reluctant to go up for the weekend. Neither of them were at all enthusiastic about having the time they had allotted for relaxation disrupted by forty foot bears overturning their canoe or eating several of their children.
They decided instead to go to France which they had heard was free of giant bears at this time of year. Unfortunately the Winslows did not realise that in France they speak an entirely different language from the one spoken in Winnipeg where they lived. In France they speak French and the expression "giant bears" means nothing to them.
Therefore the Winslows did not know that the summer that they decided to visit that medium size European nation, France was undergoing a moderately severe infestation of ours géants. In case you may not have not guessed ours géants, roughly translated, means Giant Bears.
The Winslows' visit to Paris went smoothly enough and they all enjoyed it immensley. Little Timmy especially enjoyed the galleries and the sidewalk cafes as he was a bit fancy for his age and an aspiring dilettante.
But when the family travelled to Chartres to see the fabulous cathedral there (Janey, their second youngest, was writing a monograph on the big church for her Girl Guide Gothic Architecture Badge), their rented van was overturned and then eaten by a giant bear named Thierry.
This would have caused almost insurmountable insurance problems for them upon their return home had they not been inside the van at the time.
S. Kind
