March 20, 2014

An ear with a hippopotamus attached - what an amazingly unlikely way for the buzz of a tiny fly to get itself heard!

Kenneth Patchen

is updated from time to time.


FOR SALE: blurry photograph of a sasquatch having coffee and what appears to be a blueberry muffin with the Loch Ness monster. Authenticated by both the sasquatch (named Chip) and the Loch Ness monster's sister (Betty). $400. Box 1313.
WANTED: Any memorabilia connected with the game Hungry Hungry Hippos. Especially seeking autographs of any of the original hippos. Box 35.
FOR SALE: one never used manifesto. Contains several half-baked impractical ideas. Pretty offensive if you read it all the way through. 366 pp. single spaced. $1 OBO. Box 1909.
IN MEMORIAM: It was exactly one year ago today that I lost my beloved sense of direction. Since that time I have (literally) not known which way to turn.
NOW AVAILABLE in bookstores! Henny Penny and Cassandra: Narratives of Catastrophe in Classic Literature by R.V. Parke. In 2 vols. 69.99$



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Exciting Developments at Persiflage


As is well known, we are constantly trying to improve the lives of our readers in significant and meaningful ways and have been for some time (thirteen yearsish). In continuation of this extremely laudable goal we have begun an enterprise that will surely accomplish this.

We are very excited to announce the beginning of Persiflage Press. It is our fervent hope that the Press will be succeed in publishing important works of deep meaning and moving beauty. Currently though it is introducing an e-book that are could be described as mildly amusing.

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore by Charles Frederick Maynard was first introduced to Persiflageans as an audio serial in XXXX of XXXX. Now PP presents it in a new Kindle edition edited by Glen Johnson. Mr. Johnson has also written an essay introducing the work. It is pretty difficult to imagine anything more exciting!

Soon to be released is a collection of eighty stories entitled Uncle Glennie presents Stories for Childish Adults. It will be available for purchase sometime in the coming months. Other titles are planned for release in the fall of this year.

Click here to visit the new website: PERSIFLAGE PRESS

The Secret Life of Super Bunny

Few people expect bunnies to do more than eat the raw materials for salad and drop little pellets and to look startled while doing so. That is, except in the spring when a lot of people expect them to hide brightly coloured eggs. But some bunnies, like Marion, actually manage to accomplish quite a bit.

First off, Marion, like her namesake, the Shirley Jones character in The Music Man, was a librarian. So some thirty-five hours a week she helped maintain the bunny community's accumulated store of knowledge, which in itself was kind of a big deal. But, in addition, unbeknownst to even her fellow bunnies, she had a whole other secret career. You see, Marion was also Super Bunny!

While all the other bunnies were asleep in their little beds Marion was out and about solving the crimes that threatened the citizens of bunnydom. Just what kind of crimes were perpetrated against these furry little twitchers? Well, more or less, pretty much what you would expect. Family carrot stashes were raided, there was a lucrative but illicit underground lettuce trade, some bad bunnies stooped to rolling the weak and infirm for their pocket change and from time to time someone was killed and turned into the lining for a pair of leather gloves.

All of these offences fell with the purview of the Super Bunny. So sometimes Marion was pretty busy with her superheroing. In fact, one spring she was so busy catching and punishing evil-doers (she did both) that she forgot to hide any brightly coloured eggs. This aroused the suspicion of her fellow bunnies who, after all, were totally unaware of her alter ego, and so they had no idea why she should let drop this awesome responsibility. They just had her arrested her for "unbunny-like behaviour".

Consequently, the crime rate rose dramatically. The whole time that Marion was incarcerated inside the over-turned lettuce box that served as the bunnies' prison, huge numbers of carrots were stolen and seven bunnies were killed and turned into a really nice kind of stole or wrap, or whatever it is called, for some rich lady. But none of the bunnies were sharp enough to notice the co-incidence. In fact, none of them even twigged when they released Marion and the crime rate plummetted again.

There is a serious downside to having a secret life.

Sally Kind

Mr Backyard, Persiflage's Ersatz Naturalist asks:

Spring is Here - Now What?

Some of you may have noticed that Spring began today. As I gaze out my window I see no lambs gamboling but pools of frozen water (or ice as it is sometimes known) and piles of dirty snow on the roof of the building next door. This, naturally makes me want to reproduce.

Sadly, at this point in time (or now as we sometimes say), I am alone and so I have opted to eat an entire bag of cookies instead. The world is denied, at least for another nine months, another Backyard generation.

But across the vast expanse of the Natural World all of Mother Earth's darling little creatures are mounting each other in a frenzy of vernal excitement. Squirrels, stoats, dogs, cats, lemurs (if there are any about), badgers, silverfish, seamonkeys and platypi (pusses?) are happily attempting to increase their populations.

As far as homo sapiens (that's us) are concerned, many have cottoned on to the fact that there are already rather a lot of us cluttering up the place and so they have opted out of the procreation business (Of course many of our gay friends were never really in it being somewhat daunted by the paperwork).

This does not mean that the urge to rhythmically (or arhythmically according to your taste) move in concert with another (or others according to your taste) has disappeared from this population. Many with no interest in ever hearing the pitter-patter of tiny feet within their own abodes still feel an increased stirring in their hipal regions this time of year. But what are they to do?

I suggest, as an alternative to the cookie solution (which is really no solution), dancing. Whether it is salsa, jitterbugging, Texas two-step or Morris, gavotting, ballet or tango, Voguing, the Robot or breaking, dancing provides the perfect release for those pesky springtime urges. Also the cleanup (physical and emotional) is just so much easier.

So slip on your dancing shoes, crank up the ole Cher CD and go for it. Winter is gone! More or less.

Orignally published March 20, 2008. That's six years ago!