PERSIFLAGE

            The website for people who        are smart and sophisticated and really really really appreciate writing of the very highest calibre         (4 marks)

Some Portion of 2016

Some people claim that they can do with four hours' sleep, without explaining what they mean by "do with." Do what with? I can do all kinds of things with fifteen minutes' sleep, inlcuding gagging, snorting and getting my head caught between the couch and the wall, but don't boast about it.

Robert Benchley


CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS

EMPLOYMENT

Wanted: eager self-motivated individuals to start their own businesses and then hire me and my friends at really great wages. Box 30.

FOR SALE

Limited time only: Authentic Tupper Wear Hats, coats and a mitt once worn by Charles Tupper (not the former Prime Minister and Father of Confederation but the Charles Tupper who used to live downstairs from me). Great Prices!!! Box 1867.

Tired of your typos? Why not buy a hole bunch of knew ones? At Oscars House of Tipo's we specialise in intereting and idfferent kinds of typographical misteaks. Call for a free estimete!

HOUSING

Wanted: very large sandal or loafer to accomodate a sizeable family. I am a single mother who is looking to downsize but I have so many children I don't know what to do. Box 276.


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Address all mail to:
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Persiflage Presents Some Little Known Facts

(1) The Sun is a lot hotter than most people think. Even on a cloudy day the sun is so hot that if you were to place a slice of bread on the surface it would be toast in less than a second. And so would you.

(2) What we call "social media" is not a new thing at all! The Olmecs, an indigenous people from what is now called Mexico (but which the Olmecs themselves merely called "here") had something very much like Snapchat. Upon reflection they decided it was actually kind of silly so they destroyed it and all evidence of it in order to preserve their reputation as a Great Civilisation.

(3) The deadliest animal in North America (if we remove humans from the competition) is NOT the alligator or the rattlesnake. It is the Whitetail Deer. Due to their somewhat limited understanding of highway safety, Whitetail Deer have caused thousands of fatal car accidents. Several US states have considered permanently barring the species from driving.

(4) Wednesday is not actually the middle of the week.

(5) The longest war in human history was not the Hundred Years' War (which actually lasted 116 years) but the ongoing struggle of humans to through off the yoke of feline oppression. It is now in it's 4073rd year.

(7) There has been a lot of talk lately about "super foods" but none of the foods common listed, kale, goji berries, kefir or hemp seeds, have lifted a finger to fight crime in Gotham City whereas the lowly doughnut has been fuelling policemen and women for almost a hundred years!

(8) For many years James Brown was considered the hardest working man in show business but since his death in 2006 there has been much speculation about who that is now. Wonder no longer. It's Larry Day.

(9) The Three-toed Sloth is NOT the laziest animal in the world! That honour goes to the Koala bear. The Koala relies on its looks in order to charm people into doing its work for them. This option is not available to sloths.

(10) Somerset Maugham famously said that there were three rules for writing a novel, unfortunately no one knows what they are. Scientists have now discovered a woman living in East Teaneck, New Jersey who does but she has no interest in writing one.