January 20th, 2011

Was the Tea Party even such a good idea the first time around?

Caleb Crain


For sale: one pair of men's snow shoes. Barely worn. Must be kept refrigerated. $400 OBO. Box 7.
For sale: 2 tickets to see Xenophon's Anabasis On Ice! Enjoy this ancient tale of a group of mercenaries in Persia in the the 5th Century BCE. With Toller Cranston as the Satrap Tissaphernes. At the MTS Centre. 75$ (for both). Box 19
Don't Forget: Friday (January 21st) is International Telly Savalas Day. So shave your head and enjoy a lollipop!

The Mystery of the Lost Lenore

Listen to Part Eighty-nine

Click on the picture. (3:13)

Or start from the beginning.



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The Revolt of the Snowflakes

The snowflakes were revolting. And I do not mean that they were repellent. Some of them were certainly. Some of them had personal habits that were not at all appealing for instance. But that is neither here nor there. I am not here to malign individual snowflakes or snowflakes as a group. What I mean to say is that they were engaged in overthrowing the status quo.

Now as we all know, no two snow flakes are alike. But many of them were not at all happy with this proscription. A number of them wanted to be exactly like other snowflakes. They could see no reason why they could not go beyond the boundaries of a mere close resemblance to another snowflake if that is what they desired.

What business was it of anyone else's if they wanted to be exactly the same? That's what they wanted to know. Some of them, the more vociferous and vocal snowflakes, chanted this at their protest meetings or rallies. It really wasn't that pleasant to listen to. First of all, it is not very rhythmic and does not lend itself to chanting and second of all, snowflakes do not have pleasant voices.

It probably comes from being out in the cold all the time but snowflakes tend to have scratchy voices. Like someone with a very sore throat. Some people, and a lot of snowflakes I guess, find this sexy but I personally do not.

At any rate there was a period last winter when every time it snowed you could hear these harsh little voices chanting. And occasionally you would see, if you looked closely, tiny placards strewn on the ground after a heavy snowfall. Often these had unpleasant sayings or drawings on them. Often these were nasty caricatures of Wilson Bentley.

This can be explained by a snowflake's natural tendency towards mockery. Many of them are quite bitter and their sense of humour can tend to the nasty. It is one of the unpleasant characteristics that snowflakes share. Not all of them of course, but really rather a lot.

But, as you may have noticed, the snowflakes did not get their way. This year, as last year and the year before and in fact, every year since people began paying attention to such things, snowflakes are, and will always continue to be complete individuals. No two are alike. That's just the way it is.

F. Speeking

Letters to Persiflage

Dear Persiflage,

I am a recent graduate of the School of Hard Knocks (and have the scars to prove it!) and my question to you is this: Do you think it is possible for a young person in this world (or any other within your ken) to make a lot of money while staying true to his or her principles if said principles include a vow of poverty. If so, care to elaborate?

Henrietta Klee-Frick

Dear HKF,

While I am not an alumnus of your fine institution I did spend a few semesters there in the 80s and recall some of that time. One of the things I may have learned there (although I can't say positively) is to never ask a question when I did not want to know the answer. I hope this little homily is of some use to you in your future endeavours.


Dear Me, (not the Peter Ustinov book)

I have recently been re-reading (I read them once already- obviously) old issues of Persiflage and I have noticed that some of them are quite hilarious. Others, well, not so much. I was wondering why that is. I should say though that the overall quality is outstanding and your website is easily the best in the world. Thank you for your fantastic contribution to Western Civilisation. Well really not just Western Civilisation but humanity in general. Also the cats.

Hugh Briss

Dear You/Me,

Thank you for noticing our brilliance. And yes some are better than others. As Horace says: Bonus dormitat Homerus. [Usually translated as: "Even Homer nods." -Ed.] Check out this one which I personally think is very good.

Hugh Briss

Public Service Announcement

Former Social Convener for the State of New South Wales (the one in Australia), Bruce Jumpalong will be speaking at the University of Winnipeg on January 24th. Mr. Jumpalong will be reminiscing about his student days and a party he went to once when he got three phone numbers from girls! (Two of these proved to be working numbers). Due to a recent court order no refreshments will be served.